It’s that time again to look back as the year ends. Reflection is good and so is change! New Year’s resolutions can be tricky though. I’ve definitely failed more than just a couple in the past. So where do we go wrong?
Many places! I feel like that’s an honest answer. Does that mean we should stop trying to better ourselves? Hell no! Our goals are important. If we want to be happier and healthier people, we can’t just wait around or give up. As I’m writing this, I definite have mental health in mind along with people I’ve met who live with mental illnesses. Just because you struggle with your mental health, it doesn’t mean you can’t change. If you don’t have a mental illness, but you do struggle with stress, money, finding balance…if you’re basically anyone, then this is for you too. Now, in the words on Shang,
“Let’s get down to business…”
Here are my 5 Do’s and Don’ts to help you succeed with your New Year resolutions!
Don’t do it alone!
You are an alien if you can keep yourself motivated 100% of the time. Us humans usually need a little external validation and encouragement to go on. Who doesn’t like a high five?
Also, a lot of our motivations revolve around other people:
I want to get in control of my alcoholism so I can be better for my partner.
I want to lose weight so I can play soccer with my kids.
I want to sell the most this quarter so I can wipe that smug grin off of Ted’s face.
I want to learn to build a deck so I can build one and host awesome barbecues.
I want to become a better dancer so I can work for my favorite choreographer.
We are social being who whether we like it or not have a habit of making emotional connections with others. Let it work for you. Tell your family and friends what you are trying to accomplish so that they can give you that high five after a week of no drinking or words of encouragement when you don’t beat Ted this quarter. We all need a reminder every now and then that it’s possible to beat Ted.
Another plus to having others in on your goals is that it can be more fun. The most infamous New Year’s resolutions are losing weight or getting in shape. They are infamous for their popularity and failure rates. Working out can be hard and scary. Grab a friend to be scared with you! You can keep each other accountable and make fun of yourselves about how you look during Zumba class. Don’t want to bring a friend, but you don’t want to be alone? Group classes for exercise or any skill can be great solution!
Our mental health bottom line about this is we need to fight loneliness. Making changes your life is really hard, whether it’s trying to kick your addiction or trying to become a better salesman. If you live with a mental illness like depression or anxiety, you know that feeling lonely/not having a support system can suck all your motivation away. Even if you don’t have a mental illness, feeling like you’re going through something alone can still feel sad and scary.
Do recruit an expert if necessary.
You all know that I am an advocate for therapy! It’s understandable if you can’t get your OCD under control on your own. It’s understandable that you can’t figure out how to get in shape and stay there on your own. It’s understandable that even though you watched all those “DIY Build Your Own Deck” videos on Youtube that the whole thing came out crooked.
Those things are hard! If you have the money to get an expert, do it. If you still want to build your own deck, get a consult! Do you know how many different kind of screws exist? The answer is HELLA! If you can’t figure out why you’re not beating Ted, ask a coworker or even your boss to look at your strategies and plans. Get a certified personal trainer and/or a nutritionist to help you figure out a sustainable weight loss plan. They’ll help keep you safe as you sculpt your body. OCD is a medical disorder. Get help if you are struggling so you can live the life you want. Don’t let pride get in the way of you living your best life. Even with an expert’s help, you’ll be doing a lot of work yourself.
Don’t be too hard or too easy on yourself.
I think finding the balance for this can be rough, especially for those who suffer from mental illnesses. That incessant self-deprecation tho… It can be rough to make any changes if you have low self-esteem and confidence. If you are too hard on yourself, recognize it and be more gentle with yourself. Don’t rage quit out of self-hate or just because what you’re trying to do is difficult. Believe in yourself, and keep going. Believing in yourself is also hard, and this is where I remind you to not go it alone. The flip side to this is we can be way too easy on ourselves as well.
The flip side to this is we can be way too easy on ourselves as well.
Right? Yes. I’m right.
I know I’m supposed to be eating healthier, but it’s just one bag of chips. I know I already had one bag of chips, but I’m tired from work and Mickey D’s is right there. I just had Mickey D’s but how do I tell my grandma I don’t want her famous chocolate pie, you monster?
It’s really easy to slack. We are creatures of habit. Our brains want to use the neural pathways they already know, so you have to be really honest with yourself. You have to remind yourself of why you are making a big change. Remind yourself of the consequences of not changing. I think my next “Do” will actually help with being too easy on yourself.
Do track your progress!
Draw a big happy face on every calendar day you don’t take a drink! Celebrating and having a visual reminder of your progress can be super helpful. Track your food! If you used a calorie counter like MyFitnessPal and put in the calories right before or right after you eat. You’ll see how quickly calories can add up, and you may rethink on breaking grandma’s heart. Even if you aren’t always progressing, tracking what’s happening can help you. If you journal your feelings and things you try to better yourself, you have data. You have something that you can look back to and see what works for you and what doesn’t. Maybe tracking your daily feelings will show you that you feel at your worst every time you see your best friend. That’s an important thing to realize. You need a new best friend!
Don’t make unrealistic goals.
People make so many unrealistic goals whether it’s because they don’t give themselves enough time to reach their goal, their goals are dependent on other people, or they just make a big goal without thinking about what the goal really entails.
Let’s go back to one of the first goals I listed: I want to become a better dancer so I can work for my favorite choreographer. I actually think this is a bad goal. One of the reasons it’s bad is that it’s success depends on another person. I can take all the dance classes I want, and become one of the best dancers who has ever lived. It doesn’t mean that the person I want to hire me, will. Maybe there’s just not room for another dancer. Maybe the choreographer thinks I’m a strong dancer, but I just don’t get the style of the dance the way the company wants. A more general example or this is when people make their New Year’s resolution to find true love. You can work all you want to make yourself a more attractive life partner. You can get a high paying job, work out every day, become a bomb home chef, etc. You can do all those things, but you can’t control whether or not someone will fall in love with you. You just can’t.
Before I start this paragraph, I just want to say that I know nobody trying to build a deck and I have no actual problem with people wanting to do DIY in theory. We are going back to the “deck resolution.” Do you have the money to buy the equipment to build a deck? Do you know how to make sure the ground is level? Do you actually have enough time to devote to this project where you’re not competing with your prior obligations to work or loved ones? Do you know about the screws?!? All I’m saying is to think about the logistics of your goal before you decide to commit yourself. It might be overwhelming at first, but at least you won’t be blindsided later. There are also certain things you can do to feel less overwhelmed.
Do break down your goals into smaller goals.
I want to run a 10k in 2019!…but I never run…
Okay! Great goal! Not impossible at all, but you need to build, right? I feel like I’d wreck myself if I tried to just run a 10k out of nowhere. So, maybe your goal is to start running for 15 minutes every day for the first 2 weeks. Then the goal could be to 30 minutes every day for the next week. As time goes by, you adjust and progress. There is a better way to structure this kind of goal that you can find in a post I wrote about SMART Goals. SMART is a way to structure your resolutions to be more successful. Breaking down a big goal into small goals is a good idea because confidence comes with accomplishments. Accomplishing a step in your plan is also very motivating.
Don’t look for quick fixes!
Real change is rarely easy. I don’t think anyone could get in control of their addiction in one day. If you could, it wouldn’t be an addiction. When it comes to losing weight, there are so many pills out there. People want to take a pill to lose some weight, and then just stop when they do. Taking those pills do not change your eating habits or how much exercise you do. If you do lose weight with just the pill, it will come back after you stop taking the pill. People do the same with diets. People do these crazy diets or fasts for a week or so to drop weight. They drop weight because they are literally starving their body, and then they gain it all back because they stop starving themselves. It’s not sustainable. Your body needs carbs. Your body needs protein. Please stop starving yourself.
We have to fight our want for instant-gratification, which is hard because the internet has allow us to get whatever we want pretty instantly. When we have to wait for anything in America, the rage is real. Watch “Unfulfilled” from South Park. It’s not all on topic, but it’s also hilarious.
Do create good habits to change your lifestyle.
Lasting change comes from delaying your gratification and putting in the work with time. Do you want to lose weight and keep it off? You have to create better eating habits that you keep. If you want to kick your addiction? You have to change your coping methods, where you hang out, the people you see, etc. Do you want to hate yourself less? You have to stop criticizing yourself for everything you do. You have to learn to stop, realize and internalize when you do something good. This all takes time, but isn’t the future you can make for yourself worth it?
There are people who think that New Year’s resolutions are dumb, partly because many people give up on them. I don’t think resolutions are dumb. To me they stand for the hope and desire for people to become better. Also, people do succeed. They succeed with having the right knowledge, the right support, and the right mindset about goals.
That’s all for now, my friends. Let me know if this blog was helpful to you. I appreciate feedback. If you enjoyed this read, go ahead and subscribe to the blog. You can also find me on other platforms like Twitch and YouTube. Just go to my “Support Me” page to find all of them!
