Therapists are not there to judge you.
For some people, the nicest thing about having a therapist is that they are a stranger. They are a person you only see for one reason. You don’t have to work with them or see them at family events. I think it’s great. Your therapist can’t gossip about you to your friends or family. You’ll never see each other outside or therapy, and on the off chance you do, you don’t have to acknowledge them! Remember that your therapist is a medical professional. They are medical professionals there to help you.
Therapy is not about someone else making choices about your life.
Therapists are professionals who have gone through a specialized education to help you, not do life for you. Yes, they can be an excellent resource for mental health exercises, practices and options for treatment. They can help guide you into having more insight to why you may be feeling the way they are. They can make recommendations curated for what they know about you and the stresses you may have, but therapy is not a pass on making tough decisions. Therapy is hard work that you do. This leads me to the second thing I think you should know about going into therapy.
You have a say in your treatment.
I understand wanting someone to just tell you what to do so that you don’t have to be responsible anymore. Life is hard! What’s wonderful though is that therapy is all about empowering you. Though at times it can feel very uncomfortable, therapy is all about making you stronger, more resilient, and more effective in creating the life you want. With therapy being all about you, you should know that you definitely have a say in your treatment. If you go in wanting to talk about a recent issue, but your therapist only wants to talk about your childhood, that’s a red flag. Your therapist needs to meet you where you are. They need to discuss things you are paying them to discuss. This doesn’t mean that a that they won’t ask you about your childhood. Maybe it’s important that you go back there. If they do, you can say you aren’t ready to talk about it. You can also ask how talking about your past is relevant to your goals. Actually, if your therapist doesn’t ask you about your goals for therapy when you first meet, then it’s probably time to meet another therapist.
There are different forms of therapy.
Not all therapists are hell-bent on focusing on your childhood. Did you know that therapists can special in specific things like trauma, social media, LGBTQ+, and much more? Here is a link with some popular forms of psychotherapy. Therapists usually list their specialties on their websites, but you can always call an office and ask. Having a therapist who has experience and training on issues that pertain to you, even if you aren’t going to therapy for those specific issues can be helpful. I think specialties in therapy are just important as specialists for your physical help. I prefer the neurologist checking out my brain, not the orthopedic specialist.
It’s okay to not gel with your therapist. Go find another one.
Going to therapy is a very intimate process where a lot of trust is necessary. It’s important that you have a therapist you feel understands you, and you can trust. There are a lot of other random reasons you might not feel like your therapist is a great fit. My friend brought up in a conversation about therapy that you wouldn’t want to go to a therapist if they reminded you of your abuse ex. It’s true! It’s kind of weird to think about, but these things are important to your success. You can be honest with your therapist if you don’t feel like you’re a good fit. They won’t take it personally, and if they do, then it’s a good thing your leaving. Your well-being comes first. You can quit the therapist you don’t like and find a new one. It’s okay. Don’t waste your time and money talking to someone you just can’t connect with. Many therapists come with a free consultation where you can talk about your concerns and get a feel for how they practice. Take advantage of this!
I’m such an advocate of going to therapy. It is hard work, but it’s worthwhile work! Sadly, I’ve heard of a good number of people having bad experiences with therapists and then quitting. A lot of them did not know or realize these five things I’ve just discussed, and might have fared better. I don’t think I can safely say that there is a right therapist for everyone out there, but I can say that you have more than just one option. You don’t have to just settle for the first person your insurance lists off to you. You deserve more.
