There are so many things I could write about, in terms of self-help, but I can’t seem to do it right now. I still believe in getting help. I believe in providing resources and hope for others, but I don’t feel very helpful right now.
I think it’s the winter. As I’ve become older, I’ve become more depressed around this time. Ironically, I love Christmas. I really do. I love Christmas so much that one of my coping methods for the longest time was listening to Christmas music and eating ice cream. I did this year round. No shame. Minimal shame…and with that said, I’m now going to listen to Christmas songs on Pandora. I’m probably also going to get ice cream later even though I’m sick.
To be honest, as I try to do on this blog, I don’t know how many people are going to read this. I feel like if I made it a post on Facebook straight instead of linking it, I’d get more views. I won’t though because of my fear that I’m wrong: No one will read it anyways, not because no one cares, but because I barely use Facebook( and I’m also afraid no one will care).
I’m not trying to have a pity party. I’m more so doing a stream on consciousness, and I’m trying to be consistent with my blog. A post every Friday come rain or shine, good or not.
I was looking up things to help get my motivation back, and I skimmed through one article before light-weight rage quitting. The end of the article was a bunch of “well Helen Keller had it worse so yeah” crap. I know the writer isn’t trying to anger anyone or piss on my lack of motivation. Realizing that you aren’t at a huge disadvantage as others can help some people feel better. It will make others feel worse. For me, It’s making me feel worse.
I am less understanding right now. I am more of a Negative Nancy(poor Nancy for whom we’ve coined this title). Right now, I’m not in a place where I can accept help from that article. I am not in a place where I can accept help from lots of places. If someone came up to me right now and said, “It gets better,” I would blank my face and curse at them in my head.
I don’t know how long this state will last. Maybe it will only be for a day. Hopefully it won’t get worse and last for while. I do know that this won’t last forever because I am better than I have been before. I’m cognizant of my crappy attitude, the fact that it’s really hard to get out of it when I’m feeling low, but I also have strategies to get out of it.
Will I apply these strategies? I plan to. I know I’m fighting my depressed feelings, but I plan to try. I want to end with saying that to those suffering like I am, those “helpful” words, articles, etcetera, that you turned away from might be helpful one day. They might be helpful one day when you’re feeling different. Just because something didn’t help before, it doesn’t mean it won’t help now. Your mindset makes a difference. I might go back to that stupid article later, myself.
To those who are trying to help us struggling, thank you, and try not to personalize our crappy reception to your helpful words. Also, don’t kill yourself trying to make us happier. Take care of yourself and help when you can. Remember that we are all responsible for our own happiness. Again, thank you.
That’s all I have to say for now.
