Last time we met *eyes batting* we talked about Emotional Mind. Today, I’m going to talk about Reasonable Mind, another of the three states of minds in Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
Reasonable Mind is the opposite of Emotion Mind. It’s all about facts, logic and reason. Reasonable Mind, I feel, has a better M-O than Emotion Mind. Facts, logic and reason are usually seen as positive things. Organizing your schedule and making a plan to conquer your goal are both Reasonable Mind. You get hired for having many Reasonable Mind aspects…
Follows directions? Check! Follows rules? Check! Great organizer? Check! Can make a plan and execute it in a timely manner? Check!
Reasonable Mind can be great, but now I want to talk about some of its downfalls.
If you are too far in reasonable mind, you may be rejecting the emotions of other people or even your own. Let’s go back to my past emo relationship.
*sound that “Wayne’s World” used to go into the past*
Once my ex had graduated college, he needed a job. He was poor, but still needed to provide financial aid to his mother. He wasn’t good at looking for jobs or writing resumes. So what did I do? I dragged him through the process. I looked at jobs for him on Craigslist while he played video games. Then I sat down next to him, as he whined, and told him what to write on his resume and cover letters.
I pushed down all my feelings of sadness and anger I felt during this and before this. I had no time for my feelings. I didn’t have time for his. All I cared about was getting him a job. I stayed systematic and relentless in my goal. I was organized. I did what a good girlfriend is supposed to do which was anything for her man! *heavy puke noises* It easy to think that things you “should do” are facts, especially when these things are commonly and overtly stated over and over by the culture and society you live in. Really, these “shoulds” are opinions and often myths. Then, when I finally got him a job, I was exhausted and bitter. I accomplished my goal, but had made his life and my life a living hell.
Here is another example of when my reasonable mind ruled with an iron fist that punched everyone in the face.
I didn’t drink until I was 21 as a hardcore rule follower. I didn’t like that some of my friends were drinking in high school. I sat very high on my horse! I was good because I didn’t drink. They were bad because they did. My thinking was too rigid and unforgiving. It put strains on my relationships. I’m not saying that it’s fine to drink underage. I don’t think it’s okay, but drinking shouldn’t have made my friends “bad people” automatically. Reasonable Mind can be too black and white, and really, life is mostly gray.
Take a look at your logic and rules. They may be valid. They may not be. Can your rules actually expectations you got from other people? From society? From your fears? My logical thinking in the past was very much swayed by all 3. Don’t let your reasonable mind be your blinding downfall!
